Clown Seeding

We’ve made so many advancements in realizing our dream of controlling the heavens. By releasing silver iodide and other particulate matter into the sky from specially equipped aircraft, it’s become possible to create clouds. And while we’re still quite a ways from creating weather like rain, snow or hale, it does beg the question: is it now possible to create clowns from thin air? 

 Hee hee… BOING! 

Imagine a future where clowns appear only when you need them to; an environment where we can summon a curious fellow from the sky without waiting days or weeks, or in the most clownless of places, months or years. Conversely, imagine being able to stave off a disastrous clownpour in areas routinely overrun by goofballs. Imagine a world where we’re finally in control of clowns. 

Jingle jingle… Hello!

Scientists have been experimenting with different particulate and non-particulate matter of all types to encourage clown creation. This ‘clown seeding’ has so far only produced a handful of sounds and scant goofs. These ‘clownsigns’ only reveal themselves for a moment, then dissipate into the atmosphere. On a recent excursion over the American midwest, atmospheric clown scientists released bells, horns, balls, and several flavors of taffy into the sky with mixed results. In another study, plumes of facepaint and banana peels periodically released from bindlesticks fixed to the wings of aircraft have produced a ghostly mime. 

 HONK!

But it was a team of Swedish scientists working with a small $300 million dollar government grant who produced the world’s first recorded footage of an atmospheric clown, falling through the air over the clownless, arid skies of the Dead Sea. In the video, a backwards-mounted camera placed on top of the aircraft catches—in a blur of whimsy—a clown, suspended by a tiny umbrella, pretending to be sleeping as he falls. He then wakes with a jingle and dissolves into the atmosphere. A forthcoming article in Science will disclose exactly what particulate matter or hilarious items were responsible for the production of such a wonderful clown.

Tee-hee!

While the world waits for the next breakthrough, we can only look to the heavens and smile. Soon we will control the clowns.