Ignorant Matrix

In your face, Jason. I told you. When the guy with the glasses offered us the pills, I TOLD YOU that the rabbit hole one was going to rip us out of “reality” and send us on a kick-ass post-apocalyptic adventure! But you didn’t wanna take the leap.

And when I woke up in the pink goo—just like I said we would—we were all being farmed for energy by our robot overlords! And I TOLD YOU that the goo was pink and warm and there were all sorts of cables hooked up to our bodies, and I was right. When I woke up in the goo I could see your stupid body, totally in goo, totally wrong! So wrong.
When they took the cables and plugs out of me…it felt so good.

Being flushed down the hole was FUN and the ship that rescued me was AWESOME and could float. When I got in the ship, everyone was dressed really COOL and they started saying stuff like I was ‘the one.’ Oh yeah, and the best part is we get to plug back into the reality we were in before! Except it’s even better.
Did you see me yesterday when I passed you on the street? Probably not. I was the dude in the floor-length leather duster who was fucking FLYING. I also had two shotguns, a huge knife, and a sweet pair Maui Jim’s.

Basically, you can learn anything because the computer man back on the ship uploads stuff directly into your brain. Yesterday I learned how to land a helicopter on a helicopter. Downsides? We eat bug sludge for every meal and we’re constantly under attack from terrifying metal octopuses.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next. There’s some kind of mission or problem we have to solve, but I swear to god I’m going to hook up with this lady on the ship, like, any day now. She talks to me like I’m Christ on earth! They said I can’t wake you up from the pod just yet—but when we complete the mission I totally will!