Watch Out: Spring Wolf Attack Prevention Tips

Spring is upon us. That means wolves will be waking from their slumber and looking for food. Here are some tips to avoid being scratched to death by a pack of them.

- Wear Rubber Clothing: a wolf has a powerful scratch. Rely on thick rubber shirting and panting to avoid bleeding from scratchmarks.

- Learn Their Calls: wolves howl. Learn their howl patterns and avoid debilitating scratches.

- Change Your Scent: wolves scratch you to death so they can get at the meat inside your skin— but not if your skin smells like a tree. Rub up against a local tree to gain its smell and avoid being scratched.

- Stay Indoors: if a wolf can’t scratch through a door immediately he or she will quickly grow tired and abandon the hunt.

- Eat Beans: Eating beans 4-5 times a day will give you all the energy you’ll need to run away from a pack of hungry wolves.

- Raise a Wolf: wolves won’t scratch their own. If you foster a wolf pup there’s a 50/50 chance you won’t be scratched to death. You GOTTA like those odds.